What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

Looks at phone, sees a number local to me, so I answered.

Do what? Officer, I'm sorry I have no kids of my own, and I don't know anybody by that name.

Sure no problem officer.

Why do I have an itch in my labia, white gooey and thick discharge which doesn't have a smell but my vagina does sometimes and both me and my partner do not have STDs, what is it?

I was trying to reach out to you because we have a Mr X here, who claims you are his legal guardian. He needs you to come down and sign some forms.

ATTENTION SPIKES UP. What could he want with me? Did I do something wrong? Lord did I forget to pay something? Questions start flying through my head. What would the detention center sheriff want with me?

Do you reside at 1234 X X Lane?

I want to touch my sister’s boobs. What do I say?

After a few moments he returns.

Is your number (xxx) xxx-xxxx??

Hi this is Sargent Moss from the County detention center. Is this Sean?

Why did I move on so fast from a relationship that was my whole life and I was so attached, I moved on by 2 months?

Whew, not in trouble!! But someone named Sean with a similar number is apparently about to have a rather bad day.

I'm sorry to bother you, my staff just told me our guy corrected his information and had a number off for his home phone. Have a good day. Hangs up.

{RING} {RING}

Why does it matter so much to atheists that God doesn't exist?

HELLO

Yes sir it is.

I hear a pause on the line, it goes quiet for a few seconds.

How can the democrats say Mr. Trump is bad when he is already fixing this country again and he's not even president yet?

Long pause, OK. (Inaudible talking). Could you hang on for just a sec?

No sir I sure don't, I live in the next city over.

What’s the weirdest phone call you have ever received?

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